imposter.

Despite what social media outlets and the evening news try to sell you, there are actually quite a lot of good people in the world. There are millions of people giving time, money, and effort to help others. There are also a large number of those helpful people who want to lead the good fight. Leaders who want positive change and growth are amazing. Seriously, there are some great people in this world.

Realizing that all this greatness is in the world made me feel immense joy…and confusion…and some sadness. First, even knowing that good is all around; it is hard to navigate through the hateful noise coming from every direction. There is a need to distance oneself from the noise, specifically on social media outlets, yet those outlets are the very things that help get ideas and work out into the world. I do still like the good old-fashioned way of connecting with people face to face, but honestly, I am painfully shy. The internet is my safety cushion and my biggest headache.

Next, period equality is not something new. This topic has been gaining momentum, and I am one of thousands of people fighting the good fight against period poverty and period shame. Why should I even do this when you can find another person (or five) who is just as passionate about this cause by doing a simple Google search? Then my next thought was, why am I worrying about this cause being overcrowded? If the whole point of doing this is to raise awareness and to help as many people as possible, don’t I want there to be lots and lots of leaders and fighters? Isn’t the whole point to end the stigma around menstruation and give access to people all around the world?

These questions and doubts led to the biggest roadblock: Imposter Syndrome. “Imposter syndrome is a psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud” (psychologytoday.com). I spent weeks worrying I had not accomplished anything. I spent so much time waiting for someone to pull back the curtain and see a person who has no idea what she is doing. Most nonprofits are started by experts with years of training. I started this because my heart ached for those who bled in silence and fear and shame. That’s it folks. That is my expertise. I wouldn’t say the imposter syndrome has diminished completely, but acknowledging it has been an important step back into this leadership role. Padded is still here and will keep going.

So there it is, my runaway train of thoughts and words to simply say: I’m sorry for my absence. I am a leader in this fight for period equality, but I am also a fragile human being. Thankfully, I have some amazing people who keep me going and keep my heart full. You lovely, lovely people have no idea how much your energy and positivity keep me going when I stumble. You are the true leaders.

Be kind. Be helpful. Be love.

Paula